Porcelain Masks
by Aeliia
Summary: He never understood what he did wrong, but then again, what did he ever do right? [Kano's past] Warnings: child abuse and violence.


_I've always loved Kano's character because he's so much more than he appears on the outside. I read the summaries of The Deceiving (5__th__ Kagerou Project novel) and just really wanted to write a fic about my little liar's past. If anybody knows where to find some translations of the full chapters, I would love to know because reading the real thing is like my number one goal right now XD_

_Warnings: child abuse, violence, and some swearing._

* * *

He never understood what he did wrong, but then again, what did he ever do right?

Things like that run through Kano's mind over and over again, taunting him until he can't bear it. _Why can't I please Mother? Why can't I just be a good child?_ Unanswered questions lingered in the darkness of the bathroom where he nursed his wounds. It wasn't too bad this time, but he knew he would be sore. Kano didn't turn on the lights because he didn't want to see the bruises and the blood—it would only remind him of how much of a failure he was.

His mother was such a beautiful, kind woman who always helped people in need. This was her way of helping him to be a better child, he concluded. He was someone in need and his mother wanted to help him. How Kano wished he could be just like her when he was older, but he knew it was an impossible dream. Someone like him just couldn't reach a perfect being like that. But another part of him always screamed when he thought these things, a darker, eviler side that didn't want to be helped. _Why do you let her do this to you? _it said. _If she's so kind, why do the neighbors whisper about her when you pass? Why do they look at you like a caged animal in need of a different kind of help?_

All he wanted was to please Mother, to make her happy. He wanted the neighbors in the apartment to like her as well, so he tried to cover up his wounds with hoodies and long pants. The ones on his face, though, couldn't be concealed. She only struck him there if he was _really _bad.

A knock on the door caused Kano to jerk and look around frantically. "Shuuya, open up. I'm sorry, sweetie, please come out…" a soft voice from the other side of the door spoke. Kano realized his mother was crying. Quickly standing and brushing off some of his own tears, he turned the knob to reveal his beautiful mother. She had blonde hair like him, though it was a few shades darker. Her eyes were a light brown, which went well with the simple orange-brown dress she wore, which touched her knees. Over that she wore an old off-white apron.

His mother took a brief glance at him before pulling him close and hugging him. Kano hugged her back carefully; he was unsure whether or not she had forgiven him.

After a moment she released him and seemed to perk up, which made the blond sigh in relief. He hated when Mother was sad or troubled. "I'm going to make dinner," she stated, then turned to go to the small kitchen in their apartment, leaving Kano standing in the hall.

That was how it always went. There was some variation in the pattern, but it was usually relatively the same. Kano would do something bad, Mother would get upset and hit him until she was satisfied, Kano would take shelter in the bathroom, and Mother would come apologize and hurry off to do something else. On bad days, though, she didn't feel the need to say sorry, nor get her son out of his hiding spot. This was normally when she was too drunk to function, didn't know what she was doing. She would pound him mercilessly then; one time it had even left him with three broken ribs, a broken nose, and a fractured arm. Thankfully, she didn't touch him again until he was healed, but she wasn't happy about paying the bill. Kano could tell she wantedto hurt him even more.

He didn't realize he had zoned out until his mother called, "Dinner, Shuuya!" from the kitchen. He hurriedly went in and grabbed a plate, only taking an amount that would partially fill him in fear of her getting mad for eating everything. He took his usual seat at the tiny breakfast table while Mother took her spot on the couch, not bothering to sit with him. Even though she wasn't watching, Kano made sure to use his best manners.

"Thank you for the meal," he said once he was finished, and then offered to clean her plate.

"It looks like you've learned your lesson," his mother said, handing him her plate and changing the channel. Kano nodded and took both of their plates and utensils to the sink, where he washed them thoroughly. Maybe this would count as something he did right.

A sudden weariness overcame him once he was finished, and he excused himself to go to bed. The woman on the sofa didn't answer and he took it as a sign to proceed. Kano had learned it was better to state what he was doing before he did something instead of going ahead on his own calls; that normally resulted in punishment. After all, that was wrong of him to not get consent from his mother. He knew that by now.

He dreamt of a world where he could hide his marks and bruises, mask his pain with a different emotion. He wished to deceive others so they would love Mother as much as he did.

If only it was real.

* * *

A few days passed where he didn't do anything wrong. Mother fazed in and out of the apartment during the days and stayed out nearly all night. He knew because he was kept up waiting for her, unable to rest. Without Mother there, he felt vulnerable to outside forces. She kept him safe, kept him out of trouble. Kano didn't dare say anything, though.

On the fourth night, the apartment door opened and closed around one in the morning. A rush of relief surged through the blond when he tiptoed out of his room and saw his mother setting down her purse on the living room table, looking ragged and tired. She lied down on the couch and was out almost immediately. Kano quietly went back to his room and shut the door as softly as possible, glad she was home. He got a decent sleep that night.

The morning was a different story. Like the night before, his mother looked like she hadn't gotten any sleep at all—which was probably true. When Kano asked, though, he was greeted with coldness.

"What's wrong, Mother?" he asked as she groaned from her place on the sofa.

"Shuuya, what have I told you about getting into my business?" she growled angrily, glaring at him with cruel and accusing eyes. Kano immediately shrank back, as if trying to retreat.

"I'm sorry, Mother…" he whispered.

"Just make me some damn breakfast."

Kano wordlessly opened one of the kitchen cabinets, fumbling around for a plate. It was hard for him to reach because he was small for his age, but he managed to grab one. He pulled it out, accidentally hitting a bowl in the way.

The bowl fell.

He watched in horror as one of the nicest things they owned clumsily tumbled out of the wooden structure, gracefully falling through the air before smashing on the cold, hard floor of the apartment. A piece of the porcelain stuck in his leg, but he didn't even notice.

All he registered was the stomping coming his way.

"What did you do, you insolent child!?" his mother screamed at him.

"I—"

The woman slapped him _hard _across the face, nearly making him lose his balance. "Pick up every single one of those pieces, _now!_"

She grabbed his shoulders and shoved Kano down onto his knees, shards cutting into his bare legs below his shorts. A scream threatened to emerge from his throat, but he managed to suppress it by scrunching up his face and breathing in a huge gulp of air. When he didn't begin to collect them immediately, his mother kicked him with full force in the ribcage.

"I said _do it!_" she yelled at the top of her lungs.

Kano instantly complied, picking up the painfully sharp remains of the bowl. He didn't have the luxury to pick them up slowly to avoid cuts. He had collected about half of them when the woman towering above him kicked him once again, making him drop them. The blond didn't have time to recover before a fist smashed against his head. The world became fuzzy for a moment, but he didn't waste any time collecting them again.

Gathering the ones he had dropped back into his hands, Kano swept the rest closer to him, ignoring the blood that dripped on the floor from numerous cuts. He picked up some more when his mother's foot collided with his face and he spilt them again.

"Not fast enough!"

She did that two more times before she finally allowed him to gather all of them in his shaking, bleeding hands. Kano barely managed to stand, having suffered a heavy amount of damage from her blows. He slowly limped to the trashcan and deposited the shards in it, hoping that was the end. He was wrong.

"Come here, Shuuya," his mother instructed. He obeyed and stood in front of her, eyes half-lidded and swollen. His cheek from where he was slapped earlier was still red, and every other part of him was on fire with pain, especially his legs. Kano would have to pick out every single fragment of the bowl embedded in his legs. How terrible that would be.

The woman kicked his shins, effectively putting him on the ground again before slapping him repeatedly. "I hope that you've learned your lesson," she hissed in a low voice after she was done. "Go buy a new bowl. Be back by dinnertime." With that, she left the apartment, slamming the door behind her.

Kano didn't move for a while.

* * *

He was surprised he even managed this far. After picking out the shards in his legs one by one (which was just as torturous as he knew it would be), the blond had managed, with great difficulty, to put on a hoodie and long pants. Every fiber of his being hurt _so _much. He wouldn't have been able to stand it, let alone walk, if not for the fact that the amount of wounds on his body now would double if he didn't buy a replacement for the bowl. Pure fear was the only thing that that pushed him out of the apartment and onto the streets.

Kano tried to recall any place that sold fine china or something related to it, but it took too much effort to even process a thought. A splitting headache plagued him, only adding onto the broken ribs he suffer88ed and the fingers that had been sliced to ribbons. All he thought about as he roamed the sidewalk aimlessly was how much it hurt to even breathe.

He miraculously wandered into a home appliances store and found his way to the porcelain and silverware aisle. Selecting a bowl at random, Kano brought it to the check out and paid. He didn't bother to look at the price or answer the nice clerk's question about how he got hurt; he only focused on making it back home. Only when he stepped outside did the blond realize how long it had taken him.

Despite the aching that still lingered in his head, his bogged up mind had cleared a fraction of a bit. He knew he had to get home or there would be even more trouble.

_I have to get home before Mother_, was the only thought running through Kano's pounding head.

He toppled over at one point since he was in no shape to run. He had the mind to protect the bowl with his life, landing on and scraping his back; the only untouched part of him. Paying the stinging on his back no heed, Kano scrambled back up and began to run—it was more of a fast hobble—again.

He made it home to find his apartment's door wide open. The blond's heartbeat sped up as he quietly entered his home. Maybe if he didn't make too much noise and if she hadn't checked his room, Mother would think he had been home the whole time. Just as he was about to set the bag with the bowl in it on the kitchen counter, there was a scream.

A scream that sounded distinctly feminine.

Kano didn't waste a minute. "Mother!?" he cried. Carelessly tossing the bowl on the counter, he ran to where the sound came from; the bedroom.

He burst through the doorway of the open door to see a man holding a knife up to his mother's throat threateningly while another rummaged through her drawers. The first one, the one pinning the frightened woman to the wall, turned around when Kano appeared and grinned when he saw a young, fearful boy. "Well, well, what do we have here?" he said with a sly voice laced with malicious intents. "Looks like the bitch has a son. I wonder what we should do with him, huh?" The other man turned around and raised his eyebrows.

"No! Shuuya, run!" Kano's mother screamed as tears began to run down her cheeks.

"Shut up!" her captor yelled, pressing the knife close enough to her throat to draw blood. He backed her up against the wall even more.

"Why don't we have some fun with them both?" the one digging through the drawers responded. Chuckling, he dropped his prizes on top of the old wood and cracked his knuckles. Kano watched as Mother's favorite necklace landed on top of the pile, eyes widening. That was something she had worked extremely hard to get and these bastards had the _nerve _to take that? Why did they pick this house? Why were they assaulting his mother? _Why was he just letting them?!_

Suddenly the blond's mind went into overdrive. _I'm not going to let them steal her things! If I can fight against them, then I'll have done something right! Mother will praise me!_

With that thought in mind, he lunged at the man that was now empty handed. He was taken aback when Kano elbowed him in the stomach as hard as he could. "Why you little—"

The small boy kicked him in the shins as Mother had done to him earlier, cutting him off. The man reached out to grab Kano before sending him flying backwards with a strong, abrupt kick to the stomach. Kano hit the wall next to the door, the breath knocked out of him. The rush of pure adrenaline kept him from feeling too much of the impact, but it still hurt his already heavily damaged body. Willpower kept him going as he got back up and stepped forward once again, his mother's wide, tear-filled eyes on him. _See, Mother? I can be useful! I' m not worthless anymore! I—_

His moment of triumph was cut short when the man with the knife abruptly let go of his captive and approached him along with the other, whose shins were bound to be bruised. He held the weapon in his right hand, glaring at Kano with hateful eyes. "Little shits like you shouldn't be allowed to exist. That's why I'll do your mother here a favor a kill you for her!" he yelled, bringing the knife back.

_This is the end, _he thought, closing his eyes. _I'm sorry, Mother. I failed. I'm always a failure. You'll be better off without me._

Then there was the sound of rapid footsteps. "What the—" _Crash!_

Kano opened his eyes and saw that the man with the knife had been tackled by Mother, and they were currently struggling on the floor. He and the man's partner stood dumbfounded as they watched the brawl, fists flying. The woman pounded on him, kicked him, but it was futile. Her opponent had the advantage of size and strength. Flipping her over, he sunk the knife into her chest and that was it.

"MOTHER!" Kano shrieked, breaking from his daze. He charged at the man above the beautiful, lifeless woman, hands still gripped on the knife in her body. The blond was knocked away by a single punch, collapsing on the ground as the adrenaline left his body. He was too beat up to continue, too tired, and too weak. He realized that he had no chance, and thinking he did was foolish and naïve. Curling up into a ball, Kano could only watch as the man stood from kneeling before his mother's corpse. Blood stained nearly the entire front of her dress. A permanent look of fright was imprinted on her face, one that Kano knew he would never forget as long as he lived.

He realized with a start that probably wouldn't be very long.

"No… I don't want to die… Please, Mother, help…" he whispered as the two men hovered above him, deciding what to do. The one without the knife nodded, and the other nodded back.

"Sorry kid, but this is how it goes. You'll be joining your mom soon enough. Now be a good boy and die quietly," the murderer said, raising the knife.

He didn't have time to say anything. The knife sunk into his side and a pain like nothing before overcame him. He lost consciousness along with his blood. The last thing he saw were the two criminals walking out the door, the swaying of an expensive necklace in their hands lulling him to sleep.

* * *

Kano slowly opened his eyes, coming out of the dream about his childhood. It was something of a recurring nightmare—he thought about it when he was stressed. Moving a little on the couch in the Mekakushi Dan's hideout's living room, he brought his hand to the place on his side where he was stabbed. There was no scar; all of his injuries from that day had been miraculously healed when he awoke with the power to deceive.

The scars he carried were not on his body, but in his mind. Sometimes they felt like fresh wounds again, like now. It was always hard for him to watch his mother die. Even though he now knew he was foolish for thinking she was ever "helping" him, there was always a part of his mind that yearned for her.

"Something wrong, Kano?"

A voice startled the blond out of his thoughts. Turning, Kano saw Kido looking at him with genuine concern in her eyes.

"Just a dream," he replied lazily.

Kido nodded solemnly. She probably guessed what it was about. She had always been able to read Kano well, even when he had his eyes on—probably a result of knowing him for most of her life.

They sat in comfortable silence for a moment until the green haired girl spoke again. "You can talk to me, you know," she stated quietly. "I'll listen."

"I know you will, Kido." For once, he smiled sincerely.

She gave a small one in return and nodded before returning to her Ipod. Kano shifted and closed his eyes again, the smile still intact on his face. He fell into a peaceful slumber filled only with happiness.

Ah, how he wished it could be that way all the time.

* * *

_I hoped you guys_ _enjoyed it! Don't forget; reviews are love! owo_


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